ashtraygurl
((2004-08-10 - 4:37 a.m.))
ashtraygurl 
Appearance
Your layout and image are really great. Everything coordinates, and unless I'm sadly mistaken about the image you are trying to project, it suits. My only beef with the appearance of your diary is a technical glitch -- your "eloquent" clique link took me to the universal Diaryland error page. That aside, everything is well-organized, and for whatever reason, that picture kind of turns me on. Rawr! Just what you wanted to hear from a reviewer, I'm sure.
Content
Oh holy hell. Your first entry had me sucked in. I KNOW THAT FEELING! I was skeptical about your diary at first, because I'm not the world's biggest poetry fan, but that entry completely dispelled any preconcieved notions I may have had about you. In your second entry, I seriously began to wonder if you and I had a love in common. I later found out we don't, but your words were still very powerful. Your "To a Stranger" entry was one of the more honest things I've read in a long, long time. Is it because if you are lying, you make me feel that [sic] less valid in regards to my place in the world? That was touching. This one took my breath away. So expressive. I felt for a moment that I was in your head, living your experience, and it was both magical and haunting. I cried, even. This may be my favorite out of all your entries. A snapshot, almost literally, a moment that made me cringe, but I felt while I cringed. In my opinion, the ability to make your reader FEEL is the benchmark of a great diary.
Impressions
You sought to make a special place to express the parts of you that make you feel special, and you succeeded admirably. I read all your entries, and it's entirely possible that I'm wrong, but I while I was reading your words, it felt as though, for a fleeting instant, I knew who you were. By the way, you are beautiful, both inside and out, and the darkness that lurks within you only makes you more so. I really enjoyed reading your diary, and even after having read it all in one sitting (hello? my ass hurts!), I'd still like to read more.
Suggestions
Suggestions are minor. Dump the "eloquent" button. I think that many of your poems could benefit from using a line break instead of a paragraph break -- I can't tell whether that was a conscious decision or not. And your "Here With You" & "Where I Lay" navigational links seem backwards, at least to me. That took me a while to figure out.
Just so you know, I really wanted to hate this diary. And just so that potential reviewees know, it's STILL not a good idea to submit a diary that has lots of poetry and lyrics in it, particularly if you want a good score from me. However, I fell in love with this one. I swear, how on earth am I supposed to maintain my image as a bad-ass reviewer if I keep giving five-star scores?
review by retailharlot
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