shi-ou-sama
((2005-03-10 - 8:46 p.m.))
shi-ou-sama 
APPEARANCE: There is way too much bullshit going on here. I really can�t seem to find my way to what the hell I am supposed to read. But, finally, I did. I don�t like that scroll of five entries at the bottom. It junks up the screen. I actually like the pic of Ole Scarlette, but I think she�s uber hot. There needs to be a little more congruency here, somewhere. I don�t know what, but something that pulls it together more than what is going on right now. It sort of freaks me out. But, I have OCD, so it could just be the non-linear �look� of the thing. So, we�ll file that under �my mental illness� instead of �your sucky ass taste�.
CONTENT: I started to despise it less when I realized that you were actually creating snapshots with each entry. I don�t know if anybody else got that, or if I smoked too much weed before I read it so that it just made sense to me. But, you should maybe say that somewhere.
You should also explain a lot of shit. Like, what the fuck you are talking about most of the time, and whether you are male or female. Things like that matter.
I will say that you aren�t a bad writer. Your style has a bit of �poetry� to it. But, I will say that it lacks life. It seems as if you have a favorite author and almost copy that style. You don�t breath life into it. Therefore, what might be a great entry seems to fall a little flat. It never pays off.
This didn�t suck. I could actually see that scene. Of course, I have a really good imagination.
Overall, I found some that had the beginnings of a little emotion. So, there is a little promise. There are others that were vomited by the trite demon.
IMPRESSIONS: Overall? I have no idea who you are, what you do, or even what your thoughts are. Most of your stuff is focused so externally that, other than some entries with really great language use, it can be hard to get thru them. They bog themselves at times. But, at others they paint great pictures. So, you are least consistent in being inconsistent. Overall, in �diary� terms, this one is ineffective. Mainly because I have no idea who you are, what you do, or even what your thoughts are. And, your external world ain�t really keeping my attention.
SUGGESTIONS: Streamline your design. Learn a little basic punctuation. Proofread for mistakes a little better. Try weaving some �story� into your �pictures� so that I will want to read more of them. Talk about SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Give me some information. Make me care about you. Because, so far, I really don�t give a shit about your wife�s panties or your salty tears.
Oh yeah... Is English your second language?
Because, if it is...I might have been a little nicer when I tore it up, or at least put in a link to the free translations web page.
Reviewed by aimeelori
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